The Strange thoughts I have

My husband’s ex is playing a power trip right now regarding getting her son in to counseling.  She is making sure he follows the court order down to the T and plus some, i.e. she has requested more counselor options than what was required by the court order.  She is only allowing this process to happen because we are less than a month from the next court hearing and she knows she is in deep trouble, she for the 5^th time (I know because My husband and I had to go plowing through court orders for her last night and along the way counted, yes wrong to count but when you are angry you don’t always do what is right) not doing court ordered anger management or co-parenting.  It’s rather pathetic.  However there is a point where you pick your battles, trying to show her what a jerk she is right now is not a battle we need to do when we finally have leverage and the possibility of getting my step-son in to some much needed therapy.  When it really comes down to it these lying emails from her mean very little,  If she really cared about her son and getting him in to therapy, which has been in almost every court order since 2006, she would have released him for the therapy the many times we have gone down this road before.  We have gone as far as agreeing on a counselor in the past and she refused to sign the release paper work needed at the counselor’s office, this did not go over very well in court last time, hopefully she remembers that.  My hope is this time we can move fast enough and push this enough to get him in to the counseling he needs.

That though isn’t the real reason I am writing.  It is this process that got me to thinking about my step-sons schedule with us.  My step son is with us from Friday through Monday every week. (We pick him up at school on Friday afternoon and drop him back off on Monday morning.)  We actually get more face to face time with him than she does because he is in school most of the week, so I actually like this schedule, in a way I know it is limiting her influence on his life.  However through digging through almost 4 years of court paper work (fyi we average 5 times in court a year, so this is no small pile) I was thinking there really are some other benefits.  Primary benefit is that if she was to OD and die it wouldn’t be a whole weekend before anyone found out.  I keep trying to decide if this is a really bad thought, like unkind thought.  My husband wants to have his son living with us through the school week and at his mom’s on the weekend, primarily for schooling reasons. 1) He will know his son is actually getting to school and on time, not hours late with the excuse of illness, asthma etc.  2) He will have more control of My step-son’s learning and will know he is actually learning through the week, completing homework etc. 3) His pride, I think most married women and probably all step-mom’s can relate.  I don’t know, I have a feeling that we will end up with full custody at some point of my step-son, she will either die from and over dose or she will end up in jail.

Court is in 3 weeks.

I am curious what will happen, will all of her last minute attempts to manipulate the judge in to thinking that she is working at this work? Maybe.  Will they finally put their foot down? Unlikely.

Where is God in all of this? – I mean with me.  I realize she isn’t a Christian, but how do I fight this anger, how do I move forward in a way that reflects Gods? I feel blinded by the Anger at times, but I also feel justified in my anger.  Who would ever put their own pride ahead of their child so much that they would hurt him as badly as she hurts her own flesh and blood?

I struggle with Gods approach to this all. I keep praying for wisdom. James 1:19-27

Caught in the middle.

Do you ever just not know what to do?

I feel like these custody battles are this constant trying to figure out what the court would want you to do and say rather than truly being interested in the child’s best interests.  My husband received an email from his ex regarding the mental state of his youngest son.  In his response, which we took several days to create in hopes to not be too on the defensive with our answer, we were preparing it for what we felt the judge in April will want to see. 

His mental state is fragile. 

In a sense it is everyone’s fault.

It is the ex’s fault, indeed, and I could go on for hours about how drug addiction and being arrested multiple times are OFCOURSE going to affect a child.

It is our fault too though.  No we don’t beat my stepson, but we definitely feel the stress this co-parenting conflict.  We try not to let it interfere with his life, but I know it does.

I think some of my stepson’s issues are a reaction coming out after the fact, like he can finally start putting his guard down too.  We no longer see my husband’s ex at the exchange at all; we have figured a way out to make it so neither of us have to see each other.  I think this has really helped to stabilize life for my stepson, and he is feeling ok to not have to be the emotional adult finally.  I think in some ways his reactions are good, not that he is feeling that way but for a child to go through as many changes and stressful things as he has and be reacting in life as a normal healthy child is just not right.  I think he’s been holding this all in. His older brother has been acting a lot of things out, and through all of them I remind myself that this is normal for someone living the life he is.   So wouldn’t it be normal for the younger one to act it out too?  He isn’t immune to it just because he is younger. 

We offered counseling again.

I doubt she will take it; she hasn’t done anger management or co-parenting.

Through this my stepson continues to be caught in the middle.  Both sides DO love him. But he has what they both seem to want, his love, his health, his best interest; and he is getting squeezed by it.

A short update

My husband’s ex never showed for her co-parenting classes, so my husband will be doing co-parenting alone for the third time.  I wonder how many times we will have to do this before they realize she doesn’t care and start taking some of her rights away.  This is a good sign she never went to anger management.

On an interesting front my husband’s ex has also deiced to start using his last name again??  Really??? Why???

We have been painting my step sons room the last two weeks (as we have had time.) I think he told his mom about it, as apparently she is painting her whole house.  I asked my husband if he thinks she asked her landlord, he said if she did it would be a first.  There are just days where you just have to go huh??.  This is one for me.