Is she just really scared? I am going through a free co-parenting course online. It is one that was suggested for my husband’s ex-wife, as she has stated she can’t afford to go to a co-parenting class. I have learned a lot. It has been a good experience for me. In it, it talks a lot about fear, and all the emotions that it can manifest itself through, such as Anger. (She has been ordered to Anger management too, which is probably a good idea since she requested a restraining order against herself.) We go to court on July 23rd for a custody hearing; we are supposed to get custody if she has not signed up for both anger management and co-parenting.
Today we got the first e-mail from her in seven months that did not directly berate my husband. Still, it feels full of Anger to me; to be frank it feels like her attempt to create Drama. She usually creates quite a stir just before a hearing, and usually at the exchange. Our exchanges are now supervised, so for her to do it there is going to be reported to the judge. The email was to be an update e-mail regarding my step-son’s week. She added a concern at the end about a nightmare she says step-son had. In reading it though, I wonder if, reading between the lines, she is the one that is scared. She is the one who feels like she is in a nightmare. Are these perhaps her bad dreams? She knows that next week could change everything if she has not been cooperating and following the order. Is this a plea from her: (names have been deleted for obvious reasons)
Our son told me yesterday morning that he had a nightmare the night before where he was at your house (his dad’s) and you wouldn’t let him go with me for a very long time…. that I kept coming back and you continued to not let him go. He said that you made him stay in his room on his bed and he didn’t know why but his brother (your other son, from your other marriage) was on the bed with him too. He said that you called the police on me because I wouldn’t stop coming back to try to get him.

This is all very sad because what he had and called a nightmare is really reality… what really happened only a few weeks ago. This means that what happened had a HUGH impact on him and causing undue stress. My hopes are that we can get on a better path for his sake …as what has been happening between us within the exchanges is clearly not healthy for him.
Please take note of this.. of what is going on with our child and have some empathy for him and his feelings about the situation while he is at your house this week… now knowing his fears as I have explained them to you… and pay attention to the fact that he is having …what he called “nightmares”… about it.
In a sense she is right, this did happen a few weeks ago, just before the last hearing. The order at the time explicitly stated that pickups during non-school days were to happen at each other’s homes and that whoever was picking up was to stay at the car and whoever home it was, was to stay in their home and the child was to go between the house and car with no one else. This order was made the day she requested a restraining order against herself, hence the very good reason to have a no contact exchange order. She came to the door. She called the cops. My husband gave the cop the order. The cop told her that she needed to obey it. She asked the cop how he knew it was a real order. He asked her for evidence of a more recent one (this one had just been stamped the week before from the court). She threw a fit. The cop said “stop acting like a preschooler and go to your car”.
Part of me wonders if she has been telling my step-son that we are trying to take him away. Let’s be frank, we don’t want to take him away from his mom. We do however want him to be safe and unobstructed from us. I think though she thinks we are taking him away. Is this a plea to us? one that says – now I am behaving a little, just a week before the hearing, I don’t want to do Anger Management, that means I have to accept that I am not my anger, but my anger is an emotion, for me though it is my identity, I can’t let it go. Please, please don’t make me do this to keep my son. –
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